Good afternoon, my name is Rosalba Bustamante, ( for those who don’t me ).
First of all I wanna thank the photographic center for the invitation. , Adriana , Fanny and Vittorio for the opportunity of being able to participate in this dynamic.
Well this photo is very important and I’ll tell you guys why briefly.
But before we begin I wanna tell you, as a matter of introduction that my main occupation is medicine. I am a traumatologist and orthopedist , it’s been ten – twelve years since I haven’t practiced my degree, just in case you guys wanted an appointment I highly not recommend you to ask for one.
Ten years ago I formally started studying photography , how it should be done , I first learnt the theory and technique but I’ve found quite difficult to jump from the technique to the conceptual. it’s been really , really really a struggle for me…
So as I was telling you…….in this photo you can see how happy I was , I’m telling you this because it’s highly related to the project. I believe that one of the most common practices in orthopedic is amputation. We as doctors, are always thinking of the patient for example what’s gonna happen to him…. we never ever think of us ( as the amputators ).
We never stop to think about ourselves, it never crosses our minds the thought of well being while holding the amputated limb in our hands and asking ourselves what are we gonna do with it next? or where shall we put it ? These kind of questions came to me long after having left the orthopedic procedures. I never realized going through that while being a surgeon.
Three or four years ago while walking in the street I realized that ,whenever I saw anyone without a limb , anxiety and a state of shock took over my body and the idea of being in that person’s shoes while waking up the next morning after surgery and feeling the need of going to the bathroom but seeing myself without hands , really made me open my eyes. The idea made me wonder about why I never thought of it while performing a surgery, well to be fair I sometimes thought about it but I never paid a lot of attention so I got rid off the thought right away. That’s exactly how this process started …. I also need to mention that I had to do some research before I could even start my project about people who had previously portrayed and displayed amputation such as ( aquí van los nombres) …..
I’d consider myself as a lover. I think I’m very romantic and I’m deeply in love with following procedures , I completely adore the analog photography so I started my project using a large format camera Linhof 4×5.
Here you can see me 30 kg over my weight with my camera portraying these people… This situation was quite crucial because I asked myself how am I gonna ask these people to get involved in my project without them feeling insulted, diminished or even feeling as object?,
So my technique was quite simple and outgoing. I’d approach to them and start a normal conversation by letting them know about my degree as an orthopedic surgeon after that, I’d ask them what had happened to them , so they would tell me their story . Once they’d be more comfortable I’d now tell them about my project… right , so , I’m putting together a photographic display of people who had lost a limb or any part of their body because now I feel the remorse, guilt or why not even telling them, the massive fear of that happening to me…
I would have loved to be able to reach to those patients I had to perform surgery to , but somehow I couldn’t and didn’t want to go through that situation… therefore I began my project with random people I was finding in the streets. By telling them my testimony and how I felt towards the fact of possibly being on that side , they happily accepted to my proposal some of them even asked the location and date of the shooting.
I decided to use colors such as red, green and even yellow as the background, I did this according to my perception of the scene and context, I thought in my mind that the situation was already very serious and raw in a kind of way so my chosen colors where the above mentioned.
I firstly thought that this was going to be my project but little did I know that in fact I was actually starting to understand, assimilate and comprehend many different aspects about me. I’m very grateful with all the people involved in my project , I also became very close to my models and got to know about them and their situation a little better.
Him for example, he’s Hugo a plumber an an electrician, I took the first photo using my analog camera but I ended using my digital one , which I’m glad I did , because it ended up being a digital project.
I didn’t want the fact of not having a limb to be that obvious so when I was taking the picture I wanted it to look as if I had erased his hand off the frame using photoshop, I really wanted people to say “ well.. what had happened here !?” …
The next person is a writer, he also works in a school…. he told me about himself and his story…..
She’s Montse, she lost her leg due to a tumor in her leg bone, unfortunately Montse is no longer with us, she passed away….
I’m enormously grateful to these people because they helped me comprehend that the one with the problem was actually me and not them. There were days when I woke up thinking “ what did they feel? How can they even walk or do their daily activities ?¨ Those thoughts were stuck in my head I , at some point , had to look for help and go to therapy. I became a little paranoid and got to the point of crossing the road and start thinking of me being run over by a car and loosing my leg. This was a ver normal thought of mine since I had seen it happen so many times throughout my career. On the other hand the people involved in my project had already overcome and understood the fact of not having a part of their body so they were more than able to live their best lives..
This next image is very important to me, I took a workshop with Baldomero Robles where he saw some of my first jobs and told me “I really like your job, the execution of it is marvelous and the outcome is great , but why don’t you try not to be that explicit and literal the next time ? . For tomorrow, he said . you’re going to bring me a picture depicting your feelings towards your fears, I don’t want to see a portrait or, more important any human figure in the photo. Try to be as metaphorical as you can” he said.
I remember being sitting on the sofa in my living room that same afternoon after my workshop, pondering about what to do. I was looking at the ceiling of my house then I stood up went to the kitchen , opened the fridge and I remember seeing an eggplant . I immediately had a marvelous idea, I looked at it and said, “alright so it’s kind of old now so it’s starting to decay , it looks black and rotten just like a limb about to be amputated , the color reminds me of necrosis “ So I took the eggplant out of the fridge , wrapped it up so as to simulate a stump, placed it in front of my red background and took the picture . In the picture I also aded a barbed wire , this so as to make reference to the Gigli saw. If you happen to watch the saw in a microspore , it has the same patterns as in those in the barbed wire. Not until I saw the final picture did I feel really happy with myself because, as I have mentioned before, to take the step from the theory to the practice was really difficult for me. I remember feeling like an expert in the field of making metaphorical pictures.
It was a huge step in my career and in my personal development. I kept on practicing and most of all playing and experimenting with metaphors. I gave vegetables a chance and made more pictures using them as different representations of limbs and parts of the body.
Here’s the saw, I’m not going to teach you guys anatomy , but I want you to look at it please and pay close attention . I told myself , why don’t you try to get one of those saws and see what happens? and so I did. A friend of mine is a veterinarian, I messaged her and told her about my project. She as a mater of fact was to perform an amputation in the following days so after the surgical procedure , she lent me her Gigli saw.
Once I had it with me, without thinking I wore it around my neck , simulating a necklace. Next thing I did was taking the picture. When I sat to look at it, I really understood what was actually making me feel that way. The whole idea of performing the surgical procedures and then not doing it anymore and looking at people limbless , was oppressing and terrifying me, just like the thin saw around my neck. The thought of it was chocking me and making me sad just like in my picture. I , to be honest ,was completely happy with the job I did by taking that photo. one thing was more than clear, the emotional wound was open and it still hurt.
I came out with a solution , I had to see myself amputated. I really needed to see how I looked without arms or legs. Maybe, by doing that, all my fears would be gone or maybe I would be able to digest the idea a little bit better than I had been doing it before. It had to be done so that I could deal with that anxiety I felt every time I saw someone like that in the street.
It took me three years, that process were I had to be taking pictures of either people, vegetables, animals or even random objects so that I could put my new project together. It was really difficult to actually land and portray the mess that was happening in my head. All the therapies , the thoughts and anxiety were difficult to manage within those three years. I never thought that the project would go that way and even looking at it all done now is more than I expected it to be.
I started to play and experiment with famous old sculptures that obviously shown some missing limbs , I even had to bring my narcissist and historical part out to pull this project off. I had to be more realistic when it came to taking the picture. My idea was not only to see myself amputated but also to portray the beauty of it. I started with the Venus of the Nile being one of the most famous amputated sculptures out there. I also looked for two more other sculptures not that famous to make that contrast I was looking for. I tried my best to genuinely portrayed the facial and body expression of the sculptures I had chosen.
The following picture is very important to me, because I had never taken my clothes off in front of a camera. It was indeed a very challenging deed, I must admit. Seeing it form the metaphorical aspect stripping for a camera really means to show you guys my feelings, to the people out there who are going to be looking at my project , to myself but mostly showing you guys my irrational fear to suffering an injury like that. Even being so fearful about it I wanted to prove myself I could do it and tell everyone “ here it is “ behold my deepest fears and guilt i’mm fighting against. I’m fighting my demons but I’m also overcoming that fear and anxiety of mine.
I definitely understand now that all the projects are cathartic. When I saw the final edited picture I felt a huge relief, all the fear, anxiety and problems were gone and I could now be at ease. These series of pictures are the outcome of a four year project. You can actually take a look a the piece in the following room…